Criticism is a Wish in Defenses
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Every criticism is simply a wish wearing defenses.
Underneath it all, there's an unmet need. If you can find out what that need is, you can transform the defensiveness into vulnerability; the criticism into a request. Often, you'll get what you want.
The first step is to notice when you're criticising. From there, you can identify what you're feeling in that moment. This will enable you to figure out the need. And then you can decide what you would like to do about it.
When you spot yourself criticising something (about yourself or others), follow this formula:
Right now, I feel [one-word emotion]
This tells me I need [unmet need]
Therefore, I will [action step]
Filling in these three blanks will help you shift unproductive criticism to rewarding action in a small but meaningful way.
With regular practice, understanding your feelings and taking action to meet your needs will become a natural pattern of behavior.
This results in freedom and headspace to move about, unencumbered by the defensive armor of judgmental thought.
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