The key to finding your treasure

The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.

— Joseph Campbell

Why we bother with anything

The reason why we do things (that we want to do) is because of how we think we'll feel.

We finish the project because we like the feeling of achievement when we contribute. We volunteer because we want to feel supportive and helpful. We go out with our friends because joking and laughing makes us feel relaxed and joyful.

The specific reasons we do things and the feelings we want to feel may vary, but the idea is the same – it's the resulting feeling, not the task itself, that is the reward.

Conversely, the reason why we don't do things is because there is something we don't want to feel.

It may be boredom, obligation, uncertainty, fear — about what we're doing, about getting it right, about what others will think. And because we don't want to feel these unpleasant things, we avoid, procrastinate, ignore, bargain, ruminate and a whole host of other strategies to manage the feelings we anticipate having.

Notice the word strategies. We may not be aware that rumination or procrastination is a strategy, but it certainly is. It's often a particularly crappy one, but that's usually because we don't let go of a behaviour until we know what we can replace it with. We may not even be aware yet of what we're doing. Much less that we have been dealing by implementing an ineffective method.

What’s the point?

The goal here is not to strive for only positive emotions or experiences — this is a fool's errand, here be monsters.

The goal is to build resilience and acceptance toward any emotion, so that you can face the things you don't want to feel. By strengthening the belief that you can sit with unpleasant feelings, that they won't be a constant source of enduring misery or worse, you will remove the need to avoid, procrastinate or ruminate. At the very least, this is a huge time saver.

This approach of accepting the reality of unpleasant feelings as part of the human experience is what prepares you for the cave, and allows you to deal with anything you will find in there. It enables you to go through it, rather than immediately back out the way you came.

So what do we do with all this?

Start by noticing. When you first read the quote at the top of the page, you probably had a reaction of some sort. Here is the quote again:

The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek. — Joseph Campbell

What is your reaction now?

Maybe it was a feeling. Maybe you know exactly what the fear and the cave mean for you personally right now. Or perhaps you have no idea what your 'cave' or 'treasure' is, and that brings up imposter feelings. Or maybe you think these sorts of quotes are trite and have little to offer.

Notice this or any other resistance; it is useful information. Hold it lightly as you can. Let it go if it’s not useful.

Also notice if you’re judging your reaction, and what feelings arise from that. These are called meta-emotions — feelings about feelings.

For example, “I feel like a human failure when I react with cynicism and judgement about this self-help stuff.”

Or, “I find these thought exercises tiring and feel guilty about not diving in with the same optimism as others.”

All of this is ok. Your one job right now is to notice.

Becoming aware of your thoughts and feelings is an important first step. Awareness gives you clues about what’s going on for you. You shine light on all the reasons you avoid the cave, and what it is you’re afraid of finding in there. What you need to prepare. Who you will meet in there and what will ensue.

What’s next?

From here, you can start the amazing work of developing better strategies. They don't need to be complex. They probably shouldn't be. You know what works best for you; you are the expert of your life.

This is achievable. Wherever you're at in the process of awareness and increasing self-belief, and whatever thoughts and feelings you're having (or avoiding), I can help you find your way through. I offer deep, insightful and often hilarious conversations to advance your thinking. That’s coaching at its simplest. But there’s even more. If you dare to enter the cave.