How to think new thoughts (and believe them)
ANTs, or Automatic Negative Thoughts. You may not be aware you have them, or the impact they're making on you (and other people around you). If not mitigated or managed, they can be very detrimental to your quality of life.
Using a Thought Ladder, you can incrementally shift your thinking, redirecting your ANTs and heading up that hill toward higher thinking. That is, you can go from destructive, limiting beliefs, to empowering ones that serve you better.
The Thought Ladder outlines a tried-and-true method, but often people get stuck on a key step: how to believe a new thought. In this post, I provide insight and ways to believe that you can try now.
The Stages of Change
First, it helps to understand stages of change. This is so you can identify where you're at in any process, which can make it easier to be patient with yourself about making progress.
In broad strokes, the four stages of change are as follows:
Cultivating awareness about what you're trying to do. In this case, we're trying to change our thoughts. Specifically, shifting from a negative thought to a more positive one.
Looking back and noticing that you did the thing. This involves thinking about a situation that already happened and noticing the negative thought that was occurring at that time.
Noticing in the moment that you're doing the thing. As we become more aware of our thoughts and feelings, it becomes easier to notice a negative thought as it is happening.
Sensing in advance that you're about to do the thing. With more experience in noticing our thoughts as they're happening, it becomes possible to become aware of the triggers for our negative thinking, the circumstances that might prompt it, or the feelings that are associated with the negative thoughts. We'll be able to better predict and prevent those. From there, we can make a choice about what to do.
In sum, it's a process of moving from reactivity to more proactive ways of being. This is the wide-angle view of what's happening. Now we'll focus on the specific, actionable micro-level detail of changing a thought.
Ways to change your thoughts
Below are several approaches you can try to start shifting your thoughts in ways that serve you better.
Make space for your thoughts. Human thinking is complex. To understand what is going on in our heads, we need to periodically make time and space, ideally as a habit. One great way to do this is to write down your thoughts at some point during the day. Or do a repetitive task that allows your thoughts to wander. Walking, knitting, gardening or chores such as washing dishes or hoovering are all great ways to give the mind room to let thoughts surface up to your conscious awareness.
Notice your thoughts. By simply bringing more attention to what you're thinking, you'll become more aware of how your mind works. You can do this by asking yourself questions, such as:
What are all the variations on this thought I want to change?
When do my negative thoughts occur?
What other thoughts do they like to hang out with?
Where do they come from?
What voice are they in? Why?
What sense am I making of all this?
This is all valuable information for understanding the history and context of how you created this small ANT colony. The more you know about this thought ecosystem, the more you can transform it. Working through thought models is another great way to raise awareness around thoughts and their relationship to your feelings and actions.
Hold your thoughts lightly. As I've said before, your thoughts are optional. You don't have to believe them, they aren't facts or circumstances. The more lightly we regard our thoughts — as opposed to gripping on tightly — the more agile and playful we can be. A relaxed headspace with low resistance is a great environment for change to take place.
Practice the new thought. Try the thought on. How does it sound in your head? How does it make you feel? Rehearsing it is a great start, but there are numerous ways to practice a thought beyond repeating it in your head; writing it out, coming up with alternatives, saying it out loud, and talking about it with others are all great ways to practice. Increasing the methods and frequency of your practice will make the thought familiar and believable. It will sound more natural and feel more true.
Seek evidence for your new thought. As humans, we are constantly seeking evidence for what we want to believe and rejecting evidence for what we don't want to believe. We do this mostly without thinking. However, if we actively seek out evidence for how our new, desired thought might be true, we are on the fast track for integrating an idea into our way of being.
For example, if I want to believe that Manchester is a fantastic place to live, I wouldn't focus on the rain, cost of living, or rising crime rate, but rather on reminding myself of the many parks, the excellent transportation system, thriving tech industry and exciting night life. I might even make this visible with pictures of things I've done in the city and make sure my calendar is full of MCR events. Before long, I’m surrounded with so much evidence of how great this city is, I don’t even notice the rain.
Lastly and most importantly, be patient and accepting with yourself. You will achieve your goals easier, quicker and more enjoyably through kindness and gentle pace than through criticism and brute force.
If you want to take this further, coaching is one of the single best ways to incorporate all of the tactics, and progress through the stages of change with confidence.
