What is a Missing Stair?
Have you ever been in a house that had something just egregiously wrong with it? Something massively unsafe and uncomfortable and against code, but everyone in the house had been there a long time and was used to it? "Oh yeah, I almost forgot to tell you, there's a missing step on the unlit staircase with no railings. But it's okay because we all just remember to jump over it."
Some people are like that missing stair.
— Cliff Pervocracy, The Missing Stair
The Missing Stair was coined in 2012 by blogger Cliff Pervocracy describing a harasser or other type of toxic person who is tolerated in a community. It's a metaphor modelled after a missing stair in a house that everyone is familiar with. They all know to avoid the missing stair and will warn new visitors about it, but nobody assumes responsibility for repairing it.
The metaphor of a missing stair highlights how warnings can sometimes be used as an ineffective way of dealing with toxic people and sick systems.
It is important to recognise these missing stairs, and to take action that is safe and meaningful to protect yourself and others from the danger posed.
Depending on your role and your environment, you may not be in a favourable position to resolve the issue on your own. Regardless, through self-care practices such as thoughtwork and coaching, you will be able to cultivate awareness, build your resilience, set boundaries and do what you can to keep yourself and others safe.
