How to use the Thought Model to get better results in anything
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
We may not feel like we have much control over how we think or feel about any given situation, but that is an illusion. In this article, I introduce the coaching concept of the Thought Model. This tool helps you understand your reactions to situations and how you might shift your thinking. Doing this thoughtwork produces more positive feelings and better results in your work and relationships.
The thought model starts with understanding the current situation, which we'll call the circumstances. The circumstances are facts about the world — they contain no judgment, feeling or perspective. It's just what is.
To illustrate circumstances, I'll use a modified example from a client, let's call them Sam. Sam had hired a contractor for a business shopfront overhaul. The new shopfront would result in additional work with other parties to decorate, put up new signage and promote. Sam and the contractor both understood that this extra work would be worth it, as the new shopfront would appeal to a younger audience and bring in more customers. Through their exploration together, however, they realised that the current shopfront was performing really well with a particular niche and was tightly aligned to Sam's values and aesthetic. Even though a significant cost was already invested in designing the new shop, they decided not to proceed further with the work at this time.
Sam came to me distressed about the situation. "It's just such a waste of my time! And money! I'm not making forward progress." Sam was feeling disappointed and defeated and spent weeks ruminating about the situation. This resulted in very little in the way of promotion or connecting with customers. Sales dipped that month. Doubt about the shopfront crept in again, values and aesthetic were re-questioned. Maybe they should have followed through with the new shop after all? But would it even make a difference?
It's easy to think that this is all happening because of the situation with the contractor. But remember, circumstances are neutral, they aren't in the path of the model. It is only our thoughts around the circumstances that result in feelings and actions. Let's run this through the thought model to give a clearer picture of how this works:
Circumstances: A contractor was hired to redesign the shop, but it was agreed to not proceed with work, despite significant up front investment (sunk cost).
Thoughts: "This work has been a waste of time and money and hasn't moved my business forward."
Feelings: Defeated, disappointed, doubtful
Actions: Rumination, did nothing to promote the business or engage with customers
Results: Lower sales for the month
Beliefs: I'm not making the right decisions or managing my business effectively.
Now, let's run a different model. This time, we'll take a alternate perspective and see what results:
Circumstances: A contractor was hired to redesign the shop, but it was agreed to not proceed with work, despite significant investment.
Thoughts: "I've saved a ton of time and money for the next several months by not proceeding with the work any further. This could move my business forward."
Feelings: Relief, encouragement, creativity
Actions: Ideated, connected with the niche customers, invested saved money in an ad campaign
Results: Sales boost, increased visibility
Beliefs: I'm making the right decisions and able to manage my business the way I want.
This is a very straightforward example, yours may seem murkier at first. That's ok! This takes work. It's a process. Start by noticing your thoughts and feelings. Try to separate these from the circumstances. Ask yourself the following:
What about this situation is a fact?
What about this is a thought? Remember, a thought is a sentence in your head. And your thoughts are optional.
What am I feeling? For many of you, this may be the hardest part. Again, it's a process of learning and practicing.
Your next step is to notice when you have a feeling, what is the thought behind that feeling? Put that thought in the a Thought Model and see what happens. What is the result? What would be the result if you believed a different thought?
Get in touch at coaching@witten.kim if you have examples of your own or questions about the thought model. I can help you work through them and guide you towards the answers you seek.
