Which Question is More Helpful?

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

Typically, when people train to become a coach, they spend several months or more trying to get experience hours.

They’ll usually reach out to their network and offer someone 1-6 free or low-cost coaching sessions.

I love these opportunities. It’s a way to give back, to experience coaching from someone new, and gain some insights and new tricks.

Such was the case with Ish last year.

He was helping me think through a thorny business decision. I shared some of my current thinking and looked up at him expectantly. He then asked, “What would this mean to you?”

I thought for a moment. “Do you mean ‘what does it mean to do this thing?’ Or, ‘what does it mean more generally?’”

He replied, “Which question is more helpful?”

Ahh, nice way to keep it focused on my thinking, rather than on understanding what the coach meant with their question.

By the end of the session, I gained clarity about the next step for my business and I picked up a useful conversational tactic:

When someone doesn’t understand your question, let go of your desire to be understood, and lean into your desire to be of service.