What’s on your self-care menu?

When you're feeling tired, burned out, or emotionally depleted, it can be hard to figure out what you need. The self-care menu is a list of options for things you can do to give yourself the gift of comfort, calm and energy replenishment. Future you will thank you for it.

Types of self-care

Below are four basic types of self-care. There are other categories, but these are the four that are the most prominent across many models.

• Physical self-care — this is all about your body and what it needs to function well. This could relate rest or activity, sensation or the absence of. Whatever you need to do to release stress and take care of yourself. This can include eating, exercise, or sleep too.

• Social self-care — what do you need to feel connected? When do you need to step away? Social self-care is about bonding with others and creating boundaries. From planning events to attending them, or even opting out, social self-care is all about the things you do to create the capacity to have meaningful relationships with others.

• Reflective self-care — sometimes referred to as psychological, spiritual, or mental self-care, this is all about giving yourself time and space to think. This can include journalling, meditation, prayer, study, or whatever else your mind needs to feel at peace.

• Emotional self-care — this is all about understanding your own feelings, processing any negative emotions, self-expression, and generating empathy for yourself and others. Emotional self-care can include everything from finding ways to laugh, to creating art, talking with someone, or whatever else you can think of to process anything you’re feeling.

How to create your own Self-Care Menu

First, get the Self-Care Menu PDF worksheet:

Next, consider the different types of self-care described above and how you relate to each. Fill in each category on the worksheet with any activities that you already know generates feelings of calm, joy or energy.

You may find that you have a tendency to lean heavily toward one or more types of self-care. This could be beneficial for you in some circumstances, but perhaps not what’s really needed in others. A better option might be to ask yourself: What do I actually need right now, and what would be the best way to meet that need?

Stretching yourself to answer this differently can lead to new insights. Similar to a restaurant menu, if we always opt for the same thing we may miss out on what else is on offer (and could truly delight us).

Once you have some options listed for each type of self-care — and perhaps some others in a fifth category I’ve left blank for you to define as you wish — you’re ready to start using the list. It’s ok if the same activity applies to more than one category; for example, talking to a coach can be social, reflective and emotional forms of self-care!

When you are feeling in need of recouping some energy, refer to your menu of options to see what might feel good. You may be surprised at how useful this menu is. Having the list handy makes things easy. You don’t have to think. You just do what feels good. Sometimes we stay stuck simply because the options don’t occur to us. This can be especially true when our focus is narrowed, such as when we’re in a HALT state (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired).

Questions to ask yourself after any self-care activity

The worksheet also contains several questions you can ask yourself after doing any self-care activity. This is useful for meta-reflections. That is, making sure you are getting the most out of what you’re doing for yourself. And if not, asking yourself how you might improve things.

The Self-Care Menu is a living document. It’ll change over time as your interests and needs do. You may come up with new things to try or remove activities that no longer serve you well. This is all part of the process.

The key thing is to be looking out for Future You. When you need the list, you’ll be glad it’s there.

I'd love to hear your thoughts and feedback on this. Please email me at coaching@witten.kim and let me know what you think!